Old vs. New: The Epic video game story

[agent71]

I got really bored so I jsut decided to start writing a story. I personally think it sucks. I don't even know how it's going to end. So far All I have is the prolouge, so here it is:

Prologue

waka-waka-waka. “Hey a-Luigi. Do you Hear any-a-thing?” “Mama-mia Mario. We ought to get your ears-a-checke……”Waka-Waka-Waka. “Hmmm…… That sounds a-kind of freaky” Waka-Waka-Waka “The Sounds getting closer!” “What could it-a b… WAKA-WAKA-WAKA

12 hours later at the same spot…..

“It looks like something just ate It up and spat it out,” Said a distressed Spartan. “But this doesn’t look like any human teeth marks,” Said the rookie Spartan. “Wait a minute! These are the same teeth marks that’s on the other killing across town!” “Well whatever we’re dealing with is not human.”

Exactly 200 feet underground

“Excellent! It’s working. Soon they will fall for our merciless plan. Good Job Pac-Man. Now you have successfully killed 2 pesky fools from the same game. Mario and Luigi. Even though they used to be old they got all caught up in their recent fame they didn’t even notice it when we planned to get them. Now we still have a lot more to get so get working. I’ll assign all of you men new targets. Since we have the lower-level brats out of the way we can now focus on the leaders. Once we kill them their entire way of living will be destroyed. There will be corrupt families, robbing everyone, and best of all we won’t even have to do the killing! They’ll do it for us.”

[Dark Hamsterlord]

pretty good, but a bit confusing, I have some advice. It's easier to understand conversations like this:

"Hello!" Said person A
"Hi!" Said person B
"AAUUGH!! A WAFFLE IS EATING MY FOOT!!" Exclaimed person A
"Haha" Laughed person B

putting the name of the speaker after each time they speak makes it easier to understand, or you could do this

"Hi," Said person A "How are you, person B?"

[agent71]

Ty for the suggestion Dark Hamster Lord. I know that that's what I'm supposed to do but I'm just rushing now. I migh fix it later. Well anyways here's the next chapter(or chapter 1):

Chapter 1

All of the video-game leaders decided to gather up and have a discussion about the recent murders. “This can-not be happening!” exclaimed Master Chief.” Oh, It’s happening all right. But we have to find a way to stop it” Said Samus. The only leaders that where interested enough to come where Link, Master Chief, Samus Aran, Agent 47, Sam Fisher, Rayman, and some Counter terrorists for guards. Even though there was no designated leader it seemed like Samus always took up that job. “But I took acre of the Covenant and you’ve taken care of Metroids, Samus! There’s no way there could be any Aleins” “That is true but I think I have a theory for all of this” said Samus like she knew everything. This for some reason was usually right. “I know it, too,” Said Sam and Agent 47 n unison. These 2 guys are usually quite because well…… that’s their jobs. “Ever since we banished the old video games underground, all of these sudden killings of new video game characters have been happening. They have to be connected some way,” Said Agent 47 and Sam again in unison. “That’s exactly right!” Said Samus. “Now I’m afraid …….”Said Samus. “ They’ll come for us next” Finished Link.

[Cartoon Satan]

This is pretty cool so far, keep it up .