movie quote

[latimer-kun]

just a quick one for today

"ok this is the pulse alright? and this is your finger, far from the pulse jam straight upyour ass, say would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?"

[Matt-Sama]

Here are 2 from me today, from the same movie-film

" Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. Bust this: those movies are about how the white man keep the brother man down, even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit: You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!"

"Shut the fuck up! Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?"

[Cartoon Satan]

"Wait a minute where on a rocket!" "Rockets explode!"

Toy Story, Woody

[Matt-Sama]

Toy story is amazing

[Cartoon Satan]

link50000 said:

Toy story is amazing

Yeah it was "Too infinity and beyond!", since we are doing movie quotes would lyrics from musicals count to?.

[Matt-Sama]

"I'm badder than the baddest sailor! I make love to women 10 feet tall! I got a chest of wonder, and balls of thunder! I can break right through a wall!"

- Tracker from Cannibal the musical

[latimer-kun]

i heard these from dragonball z/gt and found them very amusing

(cell) "what vegeta how the hell did you get so strong"

(vegeta) "hehehe well first off i do plenty of push ups and sit ups and drink plenty of juice"

(goku): "vegeta i swear once we've dealt with this threat you'll be the first on my TO DO list"

*goku, what has a bottom as a front* (goku): "uhhh krillin?" *wrong, now who gets in a cab but doesnt pay the fair* (goku): "oh this ones easy, vegeta"

[Matt-Sama]

I had no idea what you just said.

[Cartoon Satan]

Sometimes I think
When I look up real high
That there's such a big world up there
I'd like to give it a try
But then I sink
Cause it's here I'm suppossed to stay

But I get so lonely down here
Tell me why does it have to be that way

Up there there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Everyone dreams, I can dream too

Up there, Up where the skys are ocean blue
I could be safe and live without a care up thereeee.

ohhhh wowo

They say I don't belong
I must stay below alone
Because of my beliefs I'm suppossed to stay where is prone
What is evil anyway

hoowwww

Is there reason to the rhyme
Without evil there could be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes

Up there there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Everyone dreams, I can dream too

Up there, Up where the skys are ocean blue
I could be safe and live without a care
Live without a care
If only I could live UP THERE.

I want to live up thereeeeeeee.

Up There, Satan (south park the movie)

[thebluejester]

Ahem, "Shut your fuckin face uncle fucker". etc.

[Matt-Sama]

"Fuck you, you fucking fuckers!"

- Shoot 'em up.

[latimer-kun]

"YO, you guys need to chill out, and i got just the thing, we call them doobie snacks"

"dude what happened to these guys" "they just got a serious case of the mega munchies, all it took was one blunt, these guys are lightweights"

[Matt-Sama]

Jay and silent bob strikes back and then mallrats.
Wanna quote something none kevin smith related.?

[Yukinari]

Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup!
"Hey Pick Up The Phone!"
*Multiple People On Phones*
Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssup!

-From Scary Movie

[Matt-Sama]

I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll saw anything you want me to saw. Come on down and I'll... chew on the dog! Arroooo!

Beatlegeise from Beetlejuice.

[thebluejester]

Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

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Frank Vitchard: I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.

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Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick.

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Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

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Veronica Corningstone: This is pathetic.
Ron Burgundy: You're pathetic.

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Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.
Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

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Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.

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Ron Burgundy: [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh. Do me on it.

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Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
[cheesy grin]
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.
Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
[snarls]

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Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

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Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

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Brian Fantana: [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
Brick Tamland: [breaks out laughing] That's a good one.

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Veronica Corningstone: Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.

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Ron Burgundy: [to waiter] I'll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper... and some cheese.

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Ron Burgundy: [playing flute solo] Hey, Aqualung.

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Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me.
Ron Burgundy: What are you doing?
Veronica Corningstone: I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.
Ron Burgundy: I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. We are watching history.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job.
Ron Burgundy: Big deal. I am very professional.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.
Ron Burgundy: [insulted] What did you say?
Veronica Corningstone: I said... your hair... looks stupid.
[an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Ron's eyes; the knock-down drag-out fight begins]

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Ron Burgundy: Oh Audrey - I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a man, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?

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Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica after the news has just gone off the air] You've got a dirty whorish mouth.

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Announcer: [theme music begins] Channel 4 News, with five-time Emmy-award winning anchor Ron Burgundy. Champ Kind, Sports. Brick Tamland, Weather. And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. It's the Channel 4 News at 6:00.
Ron Burgundy: Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy and here's what happening in your world tonight.

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Ron Burgundy: [picking his teeth] Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that's why I'm doing this.

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Tino: We have a saying in my country - the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken.

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Ron Burgundy: For just one night let’s not be Co-workers. Let's be Co-people.

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Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.

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Ron Burgundy: Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!

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[to Baxter]
Ron Burgundy: What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

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Ron Burgundy: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.
[Veronica turns and walks away]
Ron Burgundy: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I... I wanna be on you.

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Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

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Wes Mantooth: What, you guys can't say one thing? Even the guy that can't think said something. You guys just stand there? Come on.

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Ron Burgundy: 1001, 1002, 1003.
Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.

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[following morning after Veronica compliments Ron's prowess]
Veronica Corningstone: Well done sir.
Ron Burgundy: And a tip of the cap to you, Miss Corningstone.

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Ron Burgundy: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!
[Brian shuts office door]
Ron Burgundy: Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

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Ron Burgundy: Sweet Lincoln's mullet.

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Frank Vitchard: [after having his other arm ripped off by a bear]
[shouts]
Frank Vitchard: Aw, c'mon! It's getting to be ri-damn-diculous.

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Angry Biker: What do you love?
Ron Burgundy: I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.
Angry Biker: Well, now, guess what, this is happening.
[grabs Baxter]
Ron Burgundy: Excuse me... excuse me... what are you doing?
[biker punts Baxter over bridge]
Angry Biker: That's how I roll.

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Ron Burgundy: I'm in a glass case of emotion.

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Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Ed Harken: Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

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Ron Burgundy: [Ron's dog barks at him] You know I don't speak Spanish.

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Bartender: You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you're going to learn how to deal with it.
Ron Burgundy: What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish.

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Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.
Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.
Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.
Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.

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Brick Tamland: [when Veronica is replacing Ron after he fails to turn up] You're not Ron...

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Ron Burgundy: Don't you know I'd never say fuck. Fuck.

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Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.

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Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

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Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

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Ron Burgundy: [after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision.

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Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

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Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
Brick Tamland: I don't know.

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Champ Kind: I will take your mother out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again!
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.

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Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
Ed Harken: Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.

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Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.

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Ron Burgundy: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
Veronica Corningstone: You weren't here. Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover?
Ron Burgundy: I can't believe you did this to me. You read my news.
Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed at it later that night.
Veronica Corningstone: I can't believe that I cared for you.
Ron Burgundy: Get out. Just go. We are through. Through. Because of your actions, you scorpion woman.
Veronica Corningstone: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.

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Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.

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[first title card]
Title card: The following is based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.

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Ron Burgundy: [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.
Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland: [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy: You guys have it, I think.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.
Champ Kind: I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana: Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland: Man.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

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Ron Burgundy: The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
[kisses his biceps]
Ron Burgundy: and see if she likes the goods.

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Ron Burgundy: [answers the phone in a very distressed manor] "Hello? Who's there, I'm talkin? Hello? Who is this? Baxter... is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if your in Milwaukee... Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the courage to say something! Hello?

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Ron Burgundy: [Ron Burgundy and Champ Kind making prank phone calls to Veronica Corningstone] This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You got knocked up.

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Wes Mantooth: I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you.

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Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I am a professional and I would like to do my job.
Ron Burgundy: Big deal. I am very professional.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I'm a MAN, I am an ANCHORMAN.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

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Ron Burgundy: Great Odin's raven.

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Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica Corningstone as the news has just gone off the air] You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public.

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Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.

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Spanish Anchor: Policia.

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Ron Burgundy: [sporting an erection after talking to Veronica, addressing the office] Don't act like you're not impressed.

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[Ron bribes the announcer]
Announcer: You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee.
Veronica Corningstone: Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.

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Ron Burgundy: The human torch was denied a bank loan.

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Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor...
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke. I even wrote it down in my diary - Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed about it later that night.

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[first lines]
Bill Lawson: [narration] There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When people believed everything they heard on TV. This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man then the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.

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Ron Burgundy: It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.

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Veronica Corningstone: ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland: [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
[spoken]
Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland: It's all right. I'm all right.

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Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland: Okay.
Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland: Fantastic.

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Ron Burgundy: Do you guys really want to know what love is?
Brick Tamland: More than anything in the world, Ron.

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Ron Burgundy: [driving in car, speaking to Baxter] Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman. I'll take you to foggy London town 'cause you are my little gentleman. Wow, this burrito is delicious, but it is filling.
[throws burrito out the window]

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Champ Kind: Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can?t get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: O, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

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Ron Burgundy: [picking up phone] Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, San Diego. Hello, Baxter? Baxter, is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the decency to say something.
[falls off chair screaming]

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Veronica Corningstone: Jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

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[subtitled conversation between Ron's dog Baxter and an attacking bear]
Baxter: Leave these people alone. They mean you no harm.
Bear: We Bears are a proud race. They must pay for their intrusion.
Baxter: On my journey I met one of your kind. His name was Katow-jo. We became friends.
Bear: Katow-jo is my cousin. Go in peace.
Baxter: I will tell tales of your compassion.
Bear: Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears.

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Ron Burgundy: [while both characters are riding on horses through a cartoon Pleasure Town] I freakin' love you.
Veronica Corningstone: I freakin' love you back.

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Ed Harken: [on the phone] I have no idea where he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. But you and I are mature adults; we've both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right. I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

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Ron Burgundy: Son of a bee-sting.

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Brick Tamland: Where'd you get your clothes... from the... toilet store?

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Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego.

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Brick Tamland: I pooped a hammer.

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Brick Tamland: I pooped a Cornish game hen.

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Wes Mantooth: I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale?

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Brick Tamland: [riding a bear] Hey, Ron. I'm riding a furry tractor.

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Bill Lawson: [voiceover] Brick Tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.

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Spanish Anchor: Como estan, beetches?

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Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.

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Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
[pause]
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.

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Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

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Ed Harken: [on the phone with his son] Put down the gun, and let the marching band go. We'll play it off as a prank.

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Angry Biker: I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass.
Ron Burgundy: If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary ready for ya.

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Public TV News Anchor: Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy.

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Ron Burgundy: I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.

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Ron Burgundy: Knights of Columbus, that hurt.

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Veronica Corningstone: [in bear pit] In case we die here today, there's something that you should know. That dirty trick with the Teleprompter. It wasn't...
Ron Burgundy: Sweet Eli Whitney's nose. It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth. Oh, I should have known.
Veronica Corningstone: No, no. No, I did it.
Ron Burgundy: [screams] You bitch.
[bears wake up]
Ron Burgundy: You woke up the bears. Why did you do that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Ron Burgundy: We are laughing and we are very good friends. Good buddies sharing a special moment...
Brian Fantana: Don't say anything Ron and just let it happen.
Ron Burgundy: ...laughing and enjoying our friendship, and someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.
Brian Fantana: Yeah, yeah.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you have a *massive* erection.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, uh, it's the pleats...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [doing mouth exercises] How now brown cow.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: By the beard of Zeus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brick Tamland: I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Fantana: So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight.
Ron Burgundy: Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill Lawson: Bob Dylan once wrote, The times, they are a-changin. Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diago or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone.
Brick Tamland: [comes on camera] High Pressure systems...
Ron Burgundy: [shoves Brick] No, no, no, no, Brick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [looking at his reflection in the mirror] Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone come see how good I look.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ed Harken: Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times. There's never been a woman anchor.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now, I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
Ed Harken: [thinks about it] Screwing?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Ron Burgundy: Hey Garth. How's the divorce?
Garth Holliday: Oh, not so good... I'll probably never see my kids again...
Ron Burgundy: FAN-tastic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spanish Anchor: Tonight's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [to an offscreen cameraman] I'm on right now?... I don't believe you.
[goes on smoking]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brick Tamland: [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team] Heinie...
[laughs]
Brick Tamland: He said heinie.
Champ Kind: Brick, get back over here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.
Frank Vitchard: Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in... dead place

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frank Vitchard: [after getting his right arm sliced off by a machete] I did *not* see that coming.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Fantana: That was some crazy party. I am hungover.
Champ Kind: Tell me about. I mean I woke up and I shit a squirrel. I mean it. Literally. And the hell of it is- the damn thing's still alive. So now I got this shit-covered squirrel sittin' down in the office. Don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: Sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [Ron Burgundy is handed a salad with cat poop] I will *not* eat that.
Tino: You will eat that cat poop.
Ron Burgundy: I will not eat cat poop.
Tino: You will eat that cat poop before you talk about my city that way again.
Ron Burgundy: Fine, if I eat the cat poop, will you bring me a steak?
[he eats the cat poop]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, God.
Tino: Somebody get him a steak quick.
Ron Burgundy: I'll eat the whole hunk of shit. I don't care.
[he begins crying]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ed Harken: Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [after smelling the Sex Panther cologne] It's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. I'm gonna be honest with you, Brian, that smells like pure gasoline.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica] It's all right, my sweet chinchilla.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [singing drunk] ... Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight... Ahh... I make fart-noises with my mouth, and I like it cause...
Bartender: Hey nutjob, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars.
Ron Burgundy: I'm expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [after Brian introduces Ron to a girl, who then later points toward her breasts] Uh-oh. She pointed to her boobies.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [signing off] You stay classy, Planet Earth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harkin, I just wondering if you knew when my office would be ready.
Ed Harken: Well, that might take some time. For now why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting in a monotonous voice] YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH.
Ed Harken: Lower your voice, Ron.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Champ Kind: Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Antony and Cleopatra!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.
Brian Fantana: Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.
Champ Kind: You sound like a gay.
Ron Burgundy: Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.
Brian Fantana: There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Public TV News Anchor: This is a great shot. Am I right Frank?
Frank Vitchard: I'm not talking to you because you cut off my arm.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brick Tamland: Any moment now, a stork will come in with the new baby panda. Let's just see if I can see what's going on there.
[looks through the crowd at the panda giving birth]
Brick Tamland: Oh God...
[starts crying]
Brick Tamland: No... I don't understand...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[to Brian Fantana]
Zoo Keeper: Excuse me... is that 'sex panther' you're wearing?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Let's dance, dickweed.
Wes Mantooth: You wanna dance, Burgundy?
[whips out a knife]
Wes Mantooth: I wanna polka.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angry Biker: You've just destroyed the only thing I've ever loved. All right, there it is. What do *you* love?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brick Tamland: Mm. I just burned my tongue.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [the news team is in the bear pit, fighting] Hit 'em in the uvula!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ed Harken: Ron, are you paying attention?
Ron Burgundy: Nope!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wes Mantooth: Today we spell "redemption"... R-O-N.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Champ Kind: He's standing in the middle of the baseline saying, "You gotta take home plate from me!" So there I go head first...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [playing jazz flute] Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Custodian: This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: Let's go over the groundrules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Garth Holliday: You come out with stink like that. Poop. You poopmouth, with poop out of your mouth.
Ron Burgundy: Garth, if I would give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Champ Kind: What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex... You know, see what happens.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[addressing someone off-camera, who we can't see]
Ron Burgundy: How are you? You look awfully nice today. Maybe don't wear a bra next time... No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don't know her name. What is it? Lanolin? Lanolin? Like sheep's wool?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Burgundy: [doing voice exercises] The arsonists feet were oddly shaped.


This was mainly part of KK4 treasure hunt, also cuz this topic rocked my socks.

[latimer-kun]

damn thats a lot jester

(tj) did you know holland invented chicken and waffles?

(duece biggalo) really?

(tj) before that you could only get chicken OR waffles, but they were the first to put em together, black people all over the world would be forever greatful to the dutch for that

(duece) you do know that the dutch started the slave trade

(tj) THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS

[thebluejester]

imbd is great for qoutes.

Marvin: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
Trillian: Well, we have something that may take your mind off it.
Marvin: It won't work, I have an exceptionally large mind.
Trillian: Yeah, we know.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: Let's go somewhere.
Arthur: Sure, where?
Trillian: Madagascar.
Arthur: That new club on Dean Street?
Trillian: No, it's a country. Off the coast of Africa.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
Slartibartfast: No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: [after being thrown into the airlock by a guard] Wash your filthy hands!
[looks around]
Ford: Don't panic... don't panic...
Arthur: So this is it. We're gonna die.
Ford: Yeah. We're gonna die.
[pauses]
Ford: No... no! What's this?
[goes over to control panel]
Arthur: What's that?
Ford: What's this...? What's this...?
[flips switch]
Ford: This... is... nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: Life? Don't talk to me about life!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vogon: [being chased by Ford Prefect with a towel] He's got a TOWEL!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dolphins: [singing] So long, and thanks for all the fish / So sad that it should come to this / We tried to warn you all, but, oh, dear / You may not share out intellect / Which might explain your disrespect / For all the natural wonders that grow around you / So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish! The world's about to be destroyed / There's no point getting all annoyed / Lie back and let the planet dissolve around you / Despite those nets of tuna fleets / We thought that most of you were sweet / Especially tiny tots and your pregnant women / So long, so long, so long, so long, so long! So long, so long, so long, so long, so long! So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish!/ If I had just one last wish / I would like a tasty fish!/If we could just change one thing / We would all have learnt to sing!/Come one and all / Man and mammal / Side by side / In life's great gene pool!/ So long, so long, so long, so long, so long / So long, so long, so long, so long / So long, so long and thanks for all the fish!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slartibartfast: I must warn you, we're going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ghostly Image: It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur Dent: Just wait a sodding minute! You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about what's six times seven? Or how many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb? Here's one! How many roads must a man walk down?
Lunkwill: Hey, that's not bad!
Arthur Dent: Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashadly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.
Trillian: That's a good answer...
Lunkwill: Rubbish, we don't want to be happy, we want to be famous!
Fook: Yeah! What is all this "is she the one" tripe?
Lunkwill: Take his brain!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: Well, this is weird.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet and since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell:
The Whale: Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground!
[dies]
The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: I should have said it resembles tea.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
Trillian: I didn't. The ship did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: She digs me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: That doesn't sound good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: You idiot! You signed the order to destroy Earth!
Zaphod: I did?
Arthur: He did?
Trillian: Love and kisses Zaphod? You didn't even read it, did you?
Zaphod: Well, I'm president, I don't have a lot of time for reading.
Trillian: My whole planet destroyed because you thought someone wanted your autograph!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: Some parts of my character weren't what you'd call presidential.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford, Zaphod: Belgium.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: That's awkward.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: Let's go somewhere.
Trillian: Where'd you have in mind?
Ford: I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur Dent: I'm sorry, did you just say you needed my brain?
Fook: Yes, to complete the program.
Arthur Dent: Well, you can't have it, I'm using it!
Fook: Hardly.
Arthur Dent: Cheeky mouse...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Prosser: Do you know how much damage this bulldozer would sustain if I just let it roll over you?
Arthur: How much?
Mr. Prosser: None at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: You're looking for the Ultimate Question.
Zaphod: Yep.
Ford: You.
Zaphod: Me.
Ford: Why?
Zaphod: No, I tried that: Why? 42. Doesn't work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title card: For Douglas.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Waiting for Trillian to be released]
Zaphod: Who are we waiting for again?
[Waits for a reply]
Zaphod: No, I'm serious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: In the beginning, the Universe was created. This made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: [Trillian has been captured by Vogons]
[bursts into a random Vogon building with Marvin's arm, hoping they think it's a gun]
Arthur: All right! Where is she!
[sees he's in a waiting room]
Vogon Secretary: Who? The Director of Robot Arm Repair?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: Who are you?
Arthur: Er, Dent, Arthur Dent.
Trillian: No, I mean *who* are you?
Arthur: Livingston I presume. Yeah. Not as good as Darwin I know but the best I could manage at short notice.
Trillian: You're the first person who's gotten that right. Everyone keeps calling me Santa.
Arthur: Really?
Trillian: Yeah, and I thought the beagle made it a dead giveaway.
Arthur: Well, I suppose the people who come to these parties are drunken idiots.
Trillian: What?
[the record player is bumped, the music stops]
Arthur: I said all these people are idiots!
[everyone stares at him]
Arthur: Oh god...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Humma Kavula, Congregation: [singing] Oh mighty Arkleseizure, thou gazed from high above. And sneezed from out thy nostrils, a gift of bounteous love. The universe around us emerged from thy nose. Now we await with eager expectation, thy handkerchief, to bring us back to thee.
[End singing]
Zaphod: Hello Humma.
Humma Kavula: Let us pray. Oh mighty one, we raise our noses to you blocked and unblown, send the handkerchief O blessed one that we may be wiped clean.
Congregation: Atchoo!
Humma Kavula: Bless you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slartibartfast: You must come with me.
Arthur Dent: Who are you?
Slartibartfast: What? No. My name's not important. You must come with me, or you'll be late.
Arthur Dent: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, what's your name Earthman?
Arthur Dent: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Well, late as in *the late* Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat. You see?
Arthur Dent: No.
Slartibartfast: Your friends are safe, you can trust me.
Arthur Dent: Trust a man who won't even tell me his name?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, my name is, um, it's
[hurriedly]
Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: I *said* it wasn't important.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[first lines]
The Book: It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent were of course dolphins who had long known of the impending destruction of earth. They had on many occasions tried to alert mankind but their warnings were mistakenly interpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a suprisingly sophisticated attempt at doing a double backflip through a hoop while whistling the star-spangled banner but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[to Arthur, shortly after they first meet]
Trillian: I want to go somewhere I've never been, and I'd like to go with you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Humma Kavula: [confronting Zaphod Beeblebrox for the first time after losing the Galactic Presidential Election to him] The election is ancient history, Zaphod. If memory serves, you won, proving that good looks and charm win over brilliance and the ability to govern. And for the record? You *are* stupid.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: [Zaphod aims the Point of View gun at Trillian] It won't affect me, I'm already a woman.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: I know this great Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fook: [about to be squished] Oh, bollocks!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: Ford?
Ford: Yeah?
Arthur: I think I'm a sofa...
Ford: [pause] I know how you feel...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: You can blame the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation for making androids with GPP...
Arthur: Um... what's GPP?
Marvin: Genuine People Personalities. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you...?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur Dent: It's a big-biggy Ford, a big-biggy! I mean what if it rips us all into tiny little atomic partical things?
Zaphod: This is the right one! I have a hunch!
Ford: [smiling] His hunches are good! Arthur! I say we go!
Arthur Dent: Go with a hunch of a man who's brain is fueled by lemons?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jeltz: Apathetic bloody planet. I've no sympathy at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: If there's anything around here more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the best drink in the known universe is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. It has the effect of having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped around a large gold brick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Slartibartfast is showing Arthur the progress on the New Earth. They pass a construction worker]
Slartibartfast: That's Frank.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: Hey baby, what say we trip the light fantastic? Just you and me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trillian: I have a plan.
Arthur: Does it involve pushing him out there and then running the other way?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also talks about love. It says, "Avoid if at all possible."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Love states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: Avoid, if at all possible. Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience members died of internal hemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. The very worst poetry in the universe was written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Thankfully it was destroyed when the earth was.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Ford: What is normal?
Trillian: What is home?
Zaphod: What're cows?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: [as they are gazing at the wonder of Magrathea] Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Arthur and Ford have each been unexpectedly hit in the face by some unknown flyswatter-like thing]
Zaphod: [after finally also being hit in the face] Zarquon! What was that? Geez...
Marvin: [depressed] I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen.
[even more depressed]
Marvin: No one ever does.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: I checked The Guide for the best way to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere, it said "don't".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: "The Babel fish," said The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy quietly, "is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish. "Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. "The argument goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.' "'But,' says Man, 'The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.' "'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanished in a puff of logic. "'Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing. "Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best- selling book Well That About Wraps It Up For God. "Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: [as Vogons fire at the group] Don't see what the big deal is... Vogons are some of the worst shots in the galaxy...
Marvin: [one hits Marvin, leaving a smoking hole in his head. he turns] Now I've got a headache!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[deleted scene]
Questular Rontok: [runs to the demolished caravan to find Zaphod unconcious inside] Mr President! Oh, thank god. I tried to prevent all this from happening, but forces beyond my control made it impossible for me to stop them. And even stronger forces are making it impossible for me to stop doing this right now!
[kisses Zaphod, waking him up]
Zaphod: [throws Questular off him] Zarquon, woman! Are you insane? You're my vice-president! In the name of liberty, and freedom, and people, and... stuff... let's do that again!
[they kiss passionately]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie the Computer: I am pleased to inform you that two thermo-nuclear missiles are now headed this way... if you don't mind, I am going to take action
Arthur Dent: COMPUTER DO SOMETHING!
Eddie the Computer: Sure thing fella! Switching to manual control... good luck!
[Ship's engines immediately stop and ship falls]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: Freeze? I'm a robot. I'm not a refrigerator.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: I've been talking to the main computer.
Arthur: And?
Marvin: It hates me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marvin: I've been talking to the ship's computer.
Arthur: And?
Marvin: It hates me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: Far out!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: HUMMA KAVULA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: Humma Kavula is a person? I thought he was swearing!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
News Reader: Humma Kavula is best known for his slanderous "Don't vote for stupid" campaign and claimed that most people thought they were voting for the worst dressed sentient being in the universe contest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: A man who no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India company.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ford: You don't remember. Arthur, your whole planet has been destroyed.
Arthur: Couldn't you have done something?
Ford: I saved your life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: A cup of tea would restore my normality.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur: I have to say, without the beard you look at least 90 years younger.
Trillian: Well, maybe I'm de-evolving?
Arthur: I think I should tell you, I don't date single cell organisms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Book: This man is a 5'11" ape descendant and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaphod: I can't do this without my third arm!

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Arthur: I'd much rather had stayed at home, ironed my hankies.

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The Book: Space, says the introduction to the guide, is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind bogglingly big it is. And so on.

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Arthur: Humma Kavula is person? I thought he was swearing!

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Arthur: [as a yarn doll] I think I'm gonna be sick!
Zaphod: Do it in the trash can, this ship is new.
[vomits coloured yarn]

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[last lines]
Marvin: Not that anyone cares what I think, but the restaurant is at the *other* end of the Universe.

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Trillian: Marvin... you saved our lives!
Marvin: I know. Wretched, isn't it?

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Arthur: So this is it. We're going to die
Ford: Yes. Would you like a hug?
Arthur: No.

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Arthur: Ok. Leave this to me. I'm British. I know how to queue.

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Vogon: Oh no, he's closed the gate from the inside, we'll have to go round.

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Marvin: I've calculated your chance of survival, but I don't think you'll like it.

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Barman: Did you say the world is coming to an end? Shouldn't we all lie on the floor or put paper bags over our heads?
Ford: If you like.
Barman: Will it help?
Ford: Not at all.
[Ford runs out of the pub]
Barman: Last orders, please!

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Zaphod: [to Arthur] I like those jammies.

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Lunkwill: Do you...
Deep Thought: Have an answer for you? Yes. But you're not going to like it.
Fook: Please tell us. We must know!
Deep Thought: Okay. The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is...
[wild cheers from audience, then silence]
Deep Thought: 42.

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Arthur: Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons?

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[Marvin, Trillian, Ford, Arthur and Zaphod are being fired upon by Vogons - the others flee as Marvin only very slowly walks away]
Marvin: I don't know what you're all worried about. Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.
[he is shot in the back of the head]
Marvin: Now I've got a headache.

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The Book: Vogons. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found again, queried, subjected to public inquiry, lost and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighter. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.

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Questular Rontok: [about Trillian] She's lying. She's skinny, and she's pretty, and she's lying!

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Ford: Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.

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Ghostly Image: We are pleased to see that your enthusiasm for our product continues unabated, and would like you to know that the two thermonuclear missiles currently converging upon your vessel are merely a courtesy we extend to all prospective customers.

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Zaphod: I'm sensing a lot of hostility from you, Alex.
Arthur: Arthur!
Zaphod: Have you ever tried yoga?

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Marvin: This will all end in tears.

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Marvin: [Trillian, Ford, and Zaphod have gone through the portal and left Arthur and Marvin behind] I told you this would all end in tears.
Arthur: Did you? Did you?

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Arthur: It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

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Zaphod: [to Trillian] Hey slim, are you wearing my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours, and they're not doing the trick.

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Fook: We don't want to be happy, we want to be famous.

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Marvin: Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction, 'cause I don't.

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Vogon: Resistance is useless!

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Ford: If you want to survive out here, you've got to know where your towel is.

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Zaphod: Hey! Is this guy boring you? Why don't you come talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet. Seriously!
[laughs]
Zaphod: You want to see my spaceship?

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The Book: In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move.

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Ford: We must talk.
Arthur Dent: Not now, Ford. They're gonna demolish my home.
Ford: Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! You know already?
[Arthur doesn't understand. Ford looks at the workers around him]
Ford: Oh, *they*! When you say "they" you mean *they*!

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Ford: [distracting the men about to demolish Arthur's house] Workers of the earth! I bring... good tidings of peanuts! And beer!

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Ford: Didn't you think it was strange I was trying to shake hands with a car?
Arthur: I assumed you were drunk.
Ford: I thought cars were the dominant lifeform. I was trying to introduce myself.

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Trillian: I have the president and I will kill him, I swear I will.
Jeltz: Could that actually kill him?
Questular Rontok: I don't think so. It's an aerosol can.

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Ford: [talking about Zaphod] He's my semi half brother.
Zaphod: He shares three of the same mothers as me.

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Trillian: See this? This detects what you're craving and makes it for you. And this? This toasts bread while you're slicing it. We're on a space ship Arthur. In space.

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The Book: [about the Point of View Gun] The Point of View gun conveniently does precisely what its name suggests. That is if you point it at someone and pull the trigger, they instantly see things from your point of view. It was designed by Deep Thought, but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives, who after countless arguments with their husbands were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase "You just don't get it, do you?"

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Zaphod: Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
Trillian: Why so edgy? You wanna know why I'm edgy?
[fires Point-Of View gun at Zaphod]
Zaphod: [from Trillian's view] Of course you're edgy. Your planet's been blown up and you've been tooling round the galaxy with the guy who signed the order. You actually wanted to know the question because you always wondered if there was more to life and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't.
Zaphod: [from Zaphod's view] Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
Zaphod: [from Trillian's view] You have no home and no family and now you're stuck with me, another in a long line of men who doesn't really get you.
Zaphod: [from Zaphod's view] That's not true.
Zaphod: [from Trillian's view] And you're worried that you might have blown it with the one guy who really does.
Zaphod: Oh, baby doll. Give me that thing.
[takes Point-Of-View gun off Trillian and aims it at her]
Trillian: It won't affect me. I'm already a woman.

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Trillian: So much for the laws of physics.

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Humma Kavula: Even an improbability drive needs coordinates which I happen to have.

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Humma Kavula: What does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure most?

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Ford: What's with the whole two-head thing?
Zaphod: Oh, yeah, apparently you can't be president with a whole brain.

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Arthur: So you're not from Guildford. Which would explain the accent.

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The Book: It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For instance, at the very moment that Arthur Dent said "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel," a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle. The two opposing leaders, resplendent in their black jewelled battle shorts, were meeting for the last time, when, a dreadful silence fell, and, at that very moment, the words, "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel" drifted across the conference table. Unfortunately, in their native tongue, this was the most appalling insult imaginable, so the two opposing battle fleets decided to settle their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy, now positively identified as the source of the offending remark. For thousands of years the mighty starships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the planet Earth - where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog. Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time.

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Gag Halfrunt: Zaphod's just zis guy, ya know?

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Slartibartfast: I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ahh... No.

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Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no.
[laughs, snorts]
Slartibartfast: Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

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Zaphod: This is it. I have a hunch.
Ford: His hunches are good.

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Ford: [as they are about to be shot into space, he dabs Arthur's face with a towel] You're sweating.

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Lunkwill: Drink up.
Arthur: Thank you.
Fook: Now, to business.
Ford, Zaphod: [drunkenly toasting] To business!
Lunkwill, Fook: Eat!
Zaphod: [quietly] Sorry.

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Zaphod: You Zarquon Frood!

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Zaphod: We just hit that button and whoo! Magrathea. I think, I mean we've hit it twice and we're still not there.

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Trillian: We don't know why we're here. We were trying to get to Magrathea and our ship brought us here.
Humma Kavula: How very... improbable.

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Zaphod: Oh Deep Thought! We have travelled long... and far. Have you calculated the ultimate question?
Deep Thought: [yawns] No. I've been watching the TV.

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Zaphod: Circus! Circus!

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Zaphod: He's a guest on my ship! He's a guest on my shiiiip!
Ford: I thought you said you stole it.

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Trillian: Buttons aren't toys.

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Ford: [watching the Magrathean recording of Deep Thought] Is that it?
Zaphod: No, there's more. They go back.
Arthur: What, seven and a half million years later?
Zaphod: Yeah, they do.

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Zaphod: Hey. Sorry to hear about your planet. What was it called again?
Arthur: Earth.
Zaphod: Yeah, Earth. I liked Earth. I got these boots on Earth. Anyway, don't tell the girl, OK? Cause if you do, I'll pull your spleen out through your throat.

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Trillian: How badly does it hurt?
Arthur: It doesn't feel great.

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Arthur: She was amazing though, Ford. Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arthur Dent: Here I was thinking I was the only one who considered your boyfriend a narcissistic moron, when apparently the whole galaxy does.

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The Book: What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.

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Ford: Okay, don't think. Nobody think. No ideas. No theories. No nothing.
[they all get smacked in the face by pans coming out of the ground]
Ford, Arthur, Zaphod: Ow!

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Ford: [about Vogons] They don't think, they don't imagine, most of them can't even spell, they just run things. And if we don't hitch a ride soon, you won't need the guide to tell you just how unpleasant they can be. They already destroyed a planet today, and that always makes them a little... eeee!

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Arthur: I think that door just sighed.
Marvin: Ghastly, isn't it? All the doors on this spaceship have been programmed to have a cheery and sunny disposition.

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Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking this ship with me. Whoo!

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Zaphod: He did say the gray building, right?
Ford: All the buildings are gray.

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Zaphod: [everything appears to be made of yarn] WOW! Is this gonna happen every time we hit that button?
Trillian: Very probably, yes.

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Marvin: I have a million ideas, but, they all point to certain death.
Arthur: Thanks very much, Marv!

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The Book: Not only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one - more popular than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person Anyway?

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The Book: The purpose of the president of the galaxy is not to exercise power, it is to distract attention from the people who are really exercising power.

I loved Hitchhiker's Guide, but quoting the book would destroy your face with awesome.

[kirbykiller4]

"hes already pulled over,he cant pull over any farther!"
-supertroopers

also,i forgot how much of a prick matt used to be.

[Matt-Sama]

"Are you gonna sit in some poxy office with a cunt for a boss telling you what to do as you count your pennies trying to make ends meet in a country that's sinking into strikes and wars and at the end of the day you go home to your cosy little flat in 'nowheresville' and pull your IKEA curtains shut to hide from the big bad world and pretend it's not happening? Or are you gonna stand up and be counted, make a difference and feel the rush? Just for once say "fuck it". I'm coiled up like a spring and I'm ready to burst and wanking ain't doing it anymore. I need violence to make me feel I'm still alive. I know what I'd rather do, mate. Tottenham away. Love it!"